#1 Rule When Communicating With Others

Whether in business relationships or with personal interaction with others, the #1 rule you must always be aware of is this:

Different people react to their own mental images – not to things as they actually are.

Or, put another way:

Different people respond differently to the same thing, and the same thing can cause different responses in different people.

We expect people to react and respond in the same way as we do to any given set of facts or circumstances, and are surprised (and sometimes insulted) if they come to a different conclusion. But what happens if they don’t agree with us?  Depending upon the actual situation, this can often lead to conflict.

Most of the time other people’s reactions or positions are not taken to be stubborn or hard-headed, to make us angry or to be malicious, but are because they “understand” and interpret the situation differently than we do. They are merely responding appropriately to how they see the situation.

If you have studied Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) at all, you will know that we perceive most of our information quickly without awareness – the subconscious mind makes many of our decisions. As people filter information more predominantly either visually, audibly or kinesthetically (by feelings), different people can take-in the same information in a different way, which can lead to them to see things in a different way, and result in them having a different opinion.

Communication is vital to any relationship and understanding depends upon good communication.  Most failures in human relations are due to misunderstandings.

You must therefore learn to give others credit for being sincere, even if we believe them to be mistaken, rather than take them as being willful or malicious. Respect their point of view and try to see things from their perspective before  TELLING them they are wrong, which often leads to an argument, or at the very least, can reduce the level of “likability” they can/did have for you. Adopt the habit of considering their opinion and ask why they think it to be true and then if you still believe yourself to be right, pose them a question along the lines of:

“I can see where you are coming from. Have you considered that…?”

Notice how I did not include the word “BUT” before saying “Have you considered that…”.  The word “but” is a verbal eraser. By that I mean it infers to the other person that you have discounted everything they have previously said to be wrong, and you are now trying to win them over to your way of thinking. Always pose your question in a way that allows them to be seen to find the new way of thinking that you are trying to impose as if they have come to the conclusion themselves – they have not had to back-down, or had to admit they are wrong (which many people find hard to do) but have been able to come to a different conclusion based upon previously unconsidered information that you have just provided to them.

This one attitude alone can do much to smooth out relations and bring about better understanding between people.  It reduces conflict, promotes likability, which in turn allows you to build rapport, which in turn allows the other person to feel able to open up more with you and be more trusting – which is particularly important in selling relationships.

The Strategy of Preeminence

If you are in business, you need to find (and keep) new clients.

Note how I refer to them as clients and not customers. Customers just buy commodities or services from a provider. However clients look to you for protection, their well-being, guidance and results. The origin of the word “client” comes from the latin “cliens” which denoted a person under the protection and patronage of another.

Incorporating the “Strategy of Preeminence” is essential, and encourages the process of gaining that invaluable trust. It helps you to establish credibility, to create a role as the most trusted adviser for your client.

Jay Abraham, the marketing extraordinaire and business guru created the phrase, and it is focused on the receiver (your client) and what is in their best interest.

He describes it as follows:

“… It boils down to, I am not trying to sell you – I am wanting to serve you.  You basically need to change the whole focus of your strategy, subordinating your needs and totally focusing on your clients.

The primary basis for the entire Preeminence Strategy is based upon empathy. Empathy is understanding in a very compassionate way and respectful role how the other side in the transaction feels, sees the situation – what their hopes, dreams, needs, feelings are – expanded far past the mere limitation of the singular transaction you might be engaging in.“

By having their best interests at heart, it will become obvious to your client that you are truly there to help them, to support them, to guide them into making the right decisions. You will then be seen not as giving them information, but as giving advice.  Giving advice is definitive and advice is converted into action. You can then tell them “here’s what you should do, and here’s how you should do it, and here’s why”.

Remember, people buy for emotional reasons (benefits). So you have to compel people on an emotional level – they need to see your advice as a solution to a problem they feel emotionally as well as rationally – logic doesn’t make the deal – people initially buy emotionally and justify their decision afterwards with logic. Unfortunately, most sales people do business on a tangible basis and ignore the emotional side.

As Jay says: “Most people fall in love with the deal, instead of their prospect. Of course, this is the exact reverse of what they need to do to achieve the Strategy of Preeminence. Most people think “what do I need to say to get people to make the deal? Instead they should say “What do I have to give? What benefit do I have to render?” The message you want to give is this: “You matter. Your well-being is important to me“

To accomplish this, you must believe that your primary purpose is to contribute great value, not to take their money, but to give them a great outcome or result for what they are doing.

Remember, people are silently thinking “I don’t really know what to do”. They are searching for someone they can trust, someone who understands their point of view, to point them in the right direction, to look after their best interests. By putting yourself in their shoes and understanding where they are at, and then being seen as a leader, as a guru, as a specialist at what you do, they will be compelled to deal with you.

So you have done the hard work and won your client over, gained their trust and helped them meet their emotional “wants”. All you need to do now is carry on looking after them, because as true clients they will remain loyal, will be less price-driven and are more likely to refer you to others. What a great business model!

However, never make the mistake of letting your ego get in the way…

A mistake many unprofessional sales people make as they get more successful is to allow their ego to creep in. This happens when they start not to value other people, when they begin to look at people (clients) as what they can do for “me” instead of what can “I” do for “them”.

As I keep stressing to anyone who cares to listen. No matter what product or service you promote, you need to gain rapport with your prospect in order to gain their trust. Once you have this trust, they will open up to you with their “wants” and you can then show them how you can meet those wants.  It is only then that your ability, your knowledge, your leadership comes to serve to help you close the deal, as people will find it comforting to be looked after by a specialist – a specialist they can trust, who has their best interests at heart. By utilizing the Strategy of Preeminence at all times, this incorporates both gaining trust as well as promoting you as their most trusted adviser.

How Simple is This Test?

Here you go.  

How easy is this? No tricks, nothing is hidden, it’s all as you see written in front of you.

The following is a remarkably easy test to get right – yet I would say that over 90% of everyone that I have shown it to gets it wrong!  

Even when I assure them that their answer is wrong and that they need to go back and try again, they still struggle to see the correct answer.

This test will open your eyes and prove how much information you could be missing without full concentration, as your mind can make assumptions and filter out important details unless you remain “open”. Communication and interaction are so important and you need to learn to be more receptive when dealing with information and other people.

Please read the following, as often and as slowly as you need to, and then either respond to this post in the “Comments” section below or email me at therapportguy@me.com and I will give you the answer – and if you get it wrong, I will show you a way to always be able to get similar tasks correct in the future.

Here goes:

All you have to do is tell me how many letter “F’s” you see in the following paragraph – simple as that!

 

                    FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE

                    SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-

                    IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE

                    EXPERIENCE OF MANY YEARS.

 

How could over 90% of people get such an easy test wrong?  

But they do. Some of the cleverest people I know swear blind that their answer is right, and they cannot believe it when I tell them it is not so.  They think I am tricking them – or worse still, that I am lying (but I am “The Rapport Guy” so I would never not tell the truth).  When I show them the real answer, they cannot believe they missed it in the first place…

Now if you are one of the few people who actually get it right, you will wonder what all the fuss is about, as you will think it is such an easy test, that how would anyone fail to get it right?  I will explain to you WHY most people get it wrong and I will then encourage you to show it to a number of other people that you know, and you will be amazed by the 90% failure rate.

Good luck, and I look forward to hearing from you.

It’s Your Personal Credibility That Matters

To be influential in business, you must earn the trust and respect of your prospects in order to gain strong credibility.

People need to truly believe in you for you to be able to build a strong business.  When they do, you get referrals, testimonials and alike – third party support is far easier than you trying to sell yourself.

To get credibility, you need to earn respect by what you do, rather than just by what you say (i.e. Walk your Talk). Follow through on your commitments. Some 2/3rds of commitments made in corporate North America are never enacted!  Character has been defined as “the ability to carry out a worthy decision after the emotion of making that decision has past“. So, do what you say you will do and your credibility surges.

Let people see you are sincere – never mince your words or stretch the truth. Say it as it is. When you do this, it builds trust, and when you have trust, you automatically have rapport. Once these are in place, your prospect feels able to open up to you and tell you their wants and needs, allowing you to show them how you can truly meet/solve these and get the sale.

Always suspend judgement of others, keeping your mind open and consider other perspectives.  Disagreeing with them causes tension and distrust. If you really need to get them to consider a different view, make it seem like it is their idea by saying something like:

“have you ever considered considered looking at it like this”  or “are you aware that…“

You might have unlimited product knowledge and superior products, but without people skills you risk having your business suffer in the long run!

The “Cost” of Trust in Business

Trust always affects 2 outcomes – SPEED and COST.

When your “trust” is high, speed will also increase and as a result, your costs will go down.

However, the opposite is also true. When your “trust” is in question (i.e. it falls), so will speed, and therefore your costs will increase.

Here’s a great example:

After the terrible events of 911, people lost trust in plane travel.  In response, the authorities increased security levels dramatically at airports, which resulted in higher costs, and as a result, the speed of travel slowed. All of a sudden it took longer to get through security, which resulted in longer line-ups and people having to arrive 3-4 hours before their flight departure.

Without “trust” your business will suffer in the long run.

“People do not as much remember what you say but more how you make them feel”

Selling is about influencing people. It’s about communication – how well you relate with them – how you make them feel.

You must realize that your prospect’s decision to buy (or trust you) is emotional. Their decision to buy is quick and often unrecognized.

Frequently, the “buy” decision is not a conscious process. If you think “impulse” buying is restricted to grocery store checkout counters, you are wrong.  Most of your purchase decisions are made on impulse.

Even after careful deliberation and analysis prior to any “buy” decision, you still must make a personal decision – and that decision is subjective and emotional and subconscious. We often refer to it as a”gut” reaction. Only later do we devise a logical rationale to justify our decisions.

Put simply:

We buy in our minds and then we find alogical reason to justify our action.

Visual Learning – Why Most People Learn Better Visually than Audibly

Research shows that we have 22 times more nerves linking our “Eyes” to our brain than from our “Ears” to our brain.

That is why we think in pictures and normally learn easier by seeing something rather than having it explained to us verbally.

Body Language – See how Alex Rodriguez could not Cover Up his Lie!

“Words” only account for 7% of your overall communication – your body language and the way you say the words accounts for the other 93%!

Here is a case in point.

Watch the video link below of the “60 Minutes” interview with Alex Rodriguez when he denied taking drugs.

He is asked point-blank “Have you ever taken any steroids or performance-enhancing drugs..” Although he answers “NO”, notice how his body language gives it away by subconsciously nodding “YES” as he denies the accusation…

As you can see, Mr Rodriguez was less than convincing in his denial, and he has since come out and admitted that he lied.

Alex Rodriguez Says He Never Did Steroids. Whoops.